My dad died just over 6 years ago. I had a deep relationship with him I have never experienced with anyone else. I used to think if he ever died, I would too. Clearly I have managed to survive. His loss was the deepest I have ever felt. His leaving created many holes in my heart and life. Suddenly I didn't have anyone who 'needed' to hear from me regularly. I didn't have anyone as generous.
Christmas became nothing to me. My family floundered for a while after that and we had to redefine what was important to us. How would we celebrate? How would we create new memories? What was really important now?
I love getting older but do not like my birthday day. It is three weeks before Christmas. My dad started a tradition when I was in high school of sending me flowers for my birthday. Even when I lived in Ireland I received them. I was wonderfully surprised for a few years after my dad's passing to have friends give me flowers on my birthday. This year I had none.
I have tried each year to find a new meaning for Christmas and my birthday. I finally bought a Christmas tree for my home. This is my first year in my very own home. I almost didn't want a tree because I knew there would be no presents under it. It was hard to go to other homes and see trees with gifts knowing there were families who would be celebrating giving to each other. I will wake up on Christmas day and it will be like any other day.
So yesterday I bought some new Christmas Cd's. One was by Chris Tomlin. He is a well known Christian worship leader. I thought I would really like to have music sung by someone who sees Christmas as I do...or should. I am listening to it now. I am reminded of the real meaning of Christmas. It is sacred. It is holy. It is this one day that is truly not about me or presents or even family. It is about God coming to earth to show love to a world who did not know Him.
A few years ago I was reading something I had to save. It was 'A Real Christmas' from the Daily Bread. I will share that here. "Let us at all costs avoid the temptation to make our Christmas worship a withdrawal from the stress and sorrow of life into a realm of unreal beauty. It was into the real world that Christ came, into the city where there was no room for Him, and into a country where Herod, the murderer of innocents , was king."
"He comes to us, not to shield us from the harshness of the world but to give us the courage and strength to bear it; not to snatch us away by some miracle from the conflict of life, but to give us peace - His peace- in our hearts by which we may be calmly steadfast while the conflict rages, and be able to bring to the torn world the healing that is peace."
Peace, courage and strength. I guess I do have Christmas gifts every year.
Christmas became nothing to me. My family floundered for a while after that and we had to redefine what was important to us. How would we celebrate? How would we create new memories? What was really important now?
I love getting older but do not like my birthday day. It is three weeks before Christmas. My dad started a tradition when I was in high school of sending me flowers for my birthday. Even when I lived in Ireland I received them. I was wonderfully surprised for a few years after my dad's passing to have friends give me flowers on my birthday. This year I had none.
I have tried each year to find a new meaning for Christmas and my birthday. I finally bought a Christmas tree for my home. This is my first year in my very own home. I almost didn't want a tree because I knew there would be no presents under it. It was hard to go to other homes and see trees with gifts knowing there were families who would be celebrating giving to each other. I will wake up on Christmas day and it will be like any other day.
So yesterday I bought some new Christmas Cd's. One was by Chris Tomlin. He is a well known Christian worship leader. I thought I would really like to have music sung by someone who sees Christmas as I do...or should. I am listening to it now. I am reminded of the real meaning of Christmas. It is sacred. It is holy. It is this one day that is truly not about me or presents or even family. It is about God coming to earth to show love to a world who did not know Him.
A few years ago I was reading something I had to save. It was 'A Real Christmas' from the Daily Bread. I will share that here. "Let us at all costs avoid the temptation to make our Christmas worship a withdrawal from the stress and sorrow of life into a realm of unreal beauty. It was into the real world that Christ came, into the city where there was no room for Him, and into a country where Herod, the murderer of innocents , was king."
"He comes to us, not to shield us from the harshness of the world but to give us the courage and strength to bear it; not to snatch us away by some miracle from the conflict of life, but to give us peace - His peace- in our hearts by which we may be calmly steadfast while the conflict rages, and be able to bring to the torn world the healing that is peace."
Peace, courage and strength. I guess I do have Christmas gifts every year.
I've been thinking of my dad this week as well since it would have been my parents 60th wedding anniversary had he lived. He and I did not have the close kind of relationship that you did with your dad but we were just growing into a closer one when he passed away. For that I am thankful.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great perspective from the Daily Bread. Part of why people get so depressed during the holiday season is, I think, because of the idyllic 'Hallmark' picture that we imagine to be happening in other homes.
I'm glad that you have a tree for your new home! :~) Thanks for sharing your heart here!!
This is beautiful, B. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your words. I think one of the 'gifts' (if I can call it that without sounding harsh) has been learning what really is the meaning of Christmas. If I truly understand what it is, that will sustain me throughout the year.
ReplyDeleteMy Dad is still living, at 91 years old. I remember well Lois' Dad, who died on Easter Sunday almost 20 years ago. Seasons in the year gain meaning from seasons in our lives. Thanks for remembering, B.
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