I have been hearing this word a lot lately. I am not sure why now more than before. Or maybe I am noticing it more because frankly, the term irritates me.
I have heard a lot of people gush about finding their 'soul mate' or waiting for their 'soul mate'. Personally, I do not believe in the notion of a soul mate. I am not anti-relationship. Nor am I anti-marriage. I am also not cynical. I have blogged about that before.
This post is more about managing expectations. It is also about perspective.
I have a lot of married friends. I do not think I have heard any of them refer to their spouse as their soul mate. Certainly not the ones with children. Why? My guess is they understand the reality that relationships take a LOT of work. Living with someone day in and day out is not all wedded bliss. Adding children to the mix creates new layers of complexity. Communication is so important yet so difficult at the same time. They also understand relationships are impacted by choices. We choose to accept, we choose to forgive, we choose to love, we choose to be patient. The same as any relationship.
I went to a Bible college (also known as bridal college where women went to get their Mrs. degree). The joke was the slogan for the college was 'A ring by spring or your money back.' Obviously I was not there to find a husband.
Yet there were many relationships that led to marriage. Some days I would look at the women planning weddings with amazement. It seemed they were so focused on the wedding they forgot there is a marriage that followed. Did they understand the commitment they were making? Did they worry they might never get married if they did not say yes to the first proposal?
As a Christian I used to hear speakers talk about finding 'the one' God had for us. I do not believe there is only one person for each of us. That puts tremendous pressure on all of us. What if there is only one person for me to marry and I sleep in the day our paths might cross? What if I'm in a bad mood the first time we meet? What if...it just doesn't make sense?
Instead of stressing about finding 'the one' and then expecting that one person to meet every need you think you have, why not spend time enjoying life, getting to know yourself and then finding someone who might fit well with who you are and whom you might fit well with in return? Why are we putting so much pressure on ourselves? How much of life is passing by because of too much focus on one thing?
Years ago I realised I would probably be single for a very long time. To me, life was just too much of an adventure. I was blessed to have the opportunity to see and do a lot of things. There was no room for someone else. I have to admit I rather liked it that way. For the most part, I still do. Unless of course I meet someone wonderful who happens to like cutting the grass and shovelling snow, oh and dealing with mouse traps and ... ok, I'm kidding. Sort of.
Whatever happens I will not be sitting around wondering why I'm not married or if I will ever get married. Instead, I will be doing what I have been doing for my whole life - living and enjoying every moment of it.
I have heard a lot of people gush about finding their 'soul mate' or waiting for their 'soul mate'. Personally, I do not believe in the notion of a soul mate. I am not anti-relationship. Nor am I anti-marriage. I am also not cynical. I have blogged about that before.
This post is more about managing expectations. It is also about perspective.
I have a lot of married friends. I do not think I have heard any of them refer to their spouse as their soul mate. Certainly not the ones with children. Why? My guess is they understand the reality that relationships take a LOT of work. Living with someone day in and day out is not all wedded bliss. Adding children to the mix creates new layers of complexity. Communication is so important yet so difficult at the same time. They also understand relationships are impacted by choices. We choose to accept, we choose to forgive, we choose to love, we choose to be patient. The same as any relationship.
I went to a Bible college (also known as bridal college where women went to get their Mrs. degree). The joke was the slogan for the college was 'A ring by spring or your money back.' Obviously I was not there to find a husband.
Yet there were many relationships that led to marriage. Some days I would look at the women planning weddings with amazement. It seemed they were so focused on the wedding they forgot there is a marriage that followed. Did they understand the commitment they were making? Did they worry they might never get married if they did not say yes to the first proposal?
As a Christian I used to hear speakers talk about finding 'the one' God had for us. I do not believe there is only one person for each of us. That puts tremendous pressure on all of us. What if there is only one person for me to marry and I sleep in the day our paths might cross? What if I'm in a bad mood the first time we meet? What if...it just doesn't make sense?
Instead of stressing about finding 'the one' and then expecting that one person to meet every need you think you have, why not spend time enjoying life, getting to know yourself and then finding someone who might fit well with who you are and whom you might fit well with in return? Why are we putting so much pressure on ourselves? How much of life is passing by because of too much focus on one thing?
Years ago I realised I would probably be single for a very long time. To me, life was just too much of an adventure. I was blessed to have the opportunity to see and do a lot of things. There was no room for someone else. I have to admit I rather liked it that way. For the most part, I still do. Unless of course I meet someone wonderful who happens to like cutting the grass and shovelling snow, oh and dealing with mouse traps and ... ok, I'm kidding. Sort of.
Whatever happens I will not be sitting around wondering why I'm not married or if I will ever get married. Instead, I will be doing what I have been doing for my whole life - living and enjoying every moment of it.
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