The Power of "Can't"

I just looked at the date of my last blog post. It is hard to believe it has been almost a month since I last wrote. Maybe because the idea for this post has been working itself out in my mind for that time.

I realised lately I say the word "can't" a lot. Not to anyone other than myself though. When I started paying attention to it, I concluded the only person holding me back in life is me.

I used to run half marathons. Life, work, stress eventually took over and I had to quit running for a bit. Then I got out of shape and when I would think about training again my first thought was I can't, I am too out of shape.

I finished my Masters degree four years ago. I would love to go on to doctoral studies. I would absolutely love to teach. Yet my first thoughts are - I can't afford it, I can't possibly be smart enough, I can't get into the program I want.

When I look for jobs I often see some I would love to have. I do not always apply because I think I can't be qualified enough. I can't do it. I can't be what they are looking for.

For almost a decade I have wanted to start up some sort of outreach to women in the sex trade in the West End. Yet my thoughts are - I can't be qualified enough. I can't be the person to do this. I can't figure out all the requirements to starting a formal organization.

I can't. And I won't as long as I believe I can't.

All of these things have a common denominator. Each can't is motivated by fear. Somewhere along the way I went from being fearless to incredibly fearful. I am not sure exactly where. It was probably a lot of subtle things that happened over time. Being hurt, being let down, letting myself down, unexpected turns in life, worry, doubt, and more have all culminated into two words. I can't.

I have, unknowingly until recently, let these define me. It wasn't until I started to really look at my life, who I am, where I am, where I want to go, and the impact I want to have on the world around me that I noticed how this small phrase had permeated my life so deeply I lost sight of what truly defines me.

So now what? Being aware is a good first step. Now, when I hear myself saying "I can't..." I stop and chase the fear back to the source. I can't run a half marathon today but I can run a couple of miles. I can't start doctoral studies today but I can start looking into what it would take to get into the program I want. I can't get every job I want but I can look at what I really want to do and go for it. If I need further training, surely I can get that. I can't start up an outreach overnight but I can start investing more in groups and people who are of the same mind.

The world increasingly focuses on the negative. It points out the flaws in us quickly. We like to gossip. We like to talk about people negatively. We like to see others fail.

That is not the kind of person I want to be. It is not the kind of world I want to live in. None of us can succeed in that environment. One can't I'm sure of is this - I can't go on being the person who fears.