Appearances

I believe I have previously shared here how December is the hardest month of the year for me since my dad passed away ten years ago. Christmas is an important celebration to me in terms of my faith. Yet the commercialism is something that seems to be more and more of a negative as each year passes. However, it might take a lifetime of blogs to explore all of that topic.

This year though I have been talking to more and more people who share the same feelings about December, albeit for very different reasons. For some there has been loss, others are facing financial stresses, many are reminded of what they do not have. Yet if you saw them you would never know.

Something else I have been thinking about a lot lately is mental health. There have been so many stories in the news about this important topic. Yet, to me, it seems as though we are making little progress in truly addressing it at the individual level.

For each person trying to find a way back to good mental health there is a long journey of how they ended up there. (I'm referring to the more mild mental health issues here. For more serious mental health issues, many will find the help they need with assistance from a doctor. Seeking medical help is also never a bad thing in my opinion.)

Tonight I decided to put on a Christmas CD as I write this. It is classical guitar Christmas carols. So in a way it doesn't seem like the same thing. I figured I should play at least one this year seeing as I made no effort to put up decorations and still refuse to get a tree.

I am trying to be more 'real' in hopes of making life simpler, becoming a better person, having deeper friendships, as well as being more caring and compassionate. This can be complicated during a season when everyone is supposed to be overjoyed with giving and receiving. Well to be honest, this year I am doing neither. Well not gifts to open anyway. I am giving of myself to others, I give my time, and I give my care.

It can be difficult to give up appearances and be real. How would we act if we asked someone how they are doing and they went into a long story about why their life is so difficult? What if they shared their hurts? What would we do then? I'm not advocating we open up to everyone. Hopefully we all have some dear friends we can share our biggest struggles and hurts with. But not everyone needs or wants to hear our whole life story.

Sometimes when we share what we think or value there is quick judgement. Sometimes it seems intolerance in the name of tolerance is acceptable. Is it? What if we share with someone that we are struggling and they shut us out? It can be difficult to find people willing to be there for us in good AND bad times. I have had many friends suddenly go silent when I have shared struggles with them. To that I say OK. Not everyone can help carry the burden.

I was out with my cousin the other night. We both have December birthdays so we decided to have a wee celebration together. She has recently quit Facebook, or Fakebook as some call it, partly because it is all about appearances. We put our best photo/status updates forward because we need to keep up appearances.

Keeping up appearances, in my humble opinion, is rather exhausting. Again, not that everyone needs to share everything with everyone. What if, instead, we were free to say we are doing well when we are doing well and having a difficult time when we are having a difficult time? If someone tells me they are having a difficult time I do not run, nor do I ask them a million questions to get all the details. What I have done is made sure to keep them in my thoughts and prayers, checked in with them as possible, and let them know I am there if they need help.

It is not easy to give up appearances. They are not always a bad thing either. There are some instances when we may need to appear outwardly different from how we are doing inside. Ask any store manager at this time of year. Ha ha. Sometimes we have to appear strong for the sake of others. Ask any parent.

So to all those who are struggling this time of year, for whatever reason, you are not alone. You are also not expected to carry the burden alone. As fearful as it might be, reach out and share with someone you trust. It can even be your doctor if that is whom you are most comfortable with. Your mental and emotional health impact your physical health.

I do wish you a peaceful time of year, whatever you do or do not celebrate. I also wish you the freedom to be person you are.