How many of us were told as children that sticks and stones would break our bones but names would never hurt us? Or the somewhat juvenile "I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you"? We were taught these things as a way of defending ourselves against harsh words because the truth is, they can hurt. They can hurt deeply. They can hurt so deeply they leave lifelong scars.
I have mentioned before I have had many surgeries. My first surgery was almost eight hours long and involved major reconstruction of my digestive system. To this day I still teach 'colon appreciation.' If you don't know what your colon is or what it does, appreciate the fact you don't have to. But I digress...
My first surgery also left me with an incision that had over twenty staples keeping it closed and was over ten inches long. It was reopened in a total of three of my eight surgeries. Almost each time I developed an infection in the incision creating a bigger problem.
Why am I sharing these somewhat awful details with you in a post about words hurting? Because it is the best visual I can use to describe my own healing from hurtful words and some of my life's greatest disappointments and difficulties.
When we are hurt by words, or actions, or situations, we are left with a wound that needs to heal. We do not see it though so we may not always be aware of it. We may also be unaware of what we are doing to prolong the healing and possibly preventing the closing of the wound.
I am a deep thinker. It is maybe one of my biggest introvert traits. I take time to think things through. I am rarely the first person to speak up when I am in an unfamiliar group or setting. I like to sit back, observe, listen, learn, and get to know those around me first. I absorb. I watch. I wait. For the most part it is a good thing. It has served me well in many situations.
Yet it can be a double edged sword. I can sometimes over think situations that have been hurtful to me. Words, actions, situations that disappointed or even insulted me can play over in my mind. It is a good thing if I use that time thinking about it to get to the bottom of what something hurt me and what I can do to rectify the situation. That is much like having a wound that we tend to with great care. We clean the wound, assess it, and then treat it appropriately so it can heal well, and faster.
Then there are times when I play something over and over in my mind without resolving it. Instead it can get bigger and more hurtful. Much like having a wound and constantly fussing over it in ways that prevent healing. We do not clean the wound. We do not dress it. We do not leave it alone to heal.
This past weekend I spent time reflecting on where I am, where I have come from, and where I want to go moving forward. As things in my day to day life have improved, and in some cases even become easy, I feel I have more space to address some of the big things needing taken care of.
I can organize parts of my home that have been neglected over the past year. I can sort out my bigger home repairs I would love to have taken care of before winter. I can start having friends over for meals again because I can afford to buy food not just for myself, but to entertain.
Yet it also leaves me with space and time to think about those things that caused tremendous hurt over the past few years. Now that I have the energy and strength to face them, it is time to stop irritating the wound and instead, dress it. It is time to heal.
As I sat reflecting on the hurts, I chose to look at them differently. I do not want them to hurt any longer. I want them to heal. So I changed my focus. Instead of looking at the injustice of some things, I looked at the person behind the hurt. They matter. In some cases the hurt was caused by people I do not know well at all and may never interact with again. Then some was from those most dear to me. Maybe that is why it seems to hurt more. Disappointment has been a constant. Yet I decided I was done with it. I was done playing it over in my mind.
I also came to realize that often disappointment can be false. When I started looking at situations from the perspective of my own responsibility I saw them differently. Do I wish things had been different in some situations? Absolutely. Yet I bore some responsibility too. I could have said or done things differently.
The more I thought about it, the more encouraged I became. Suddenly I started to think more about the kind of person I want to be moving forward. I thought about the type of friend I want to be to those I care most about instead of what I want my friends to be like with me. I thought about my work situations and what I want moving forward.
Most importantly I started to dream again. It has been a long time since I did that. Pain can paralyze us. Healing frees us. It frees us to hope. It frees us to move forward. It frees us to dream.
When we have been hurt deeply, it is important not to stay hurting because when the healing comes, it is glorious indeed.
I have mentioned before I have had many surgeries. My first surgery was almost eight hours long and involved major reconstruction of my digestive system. To this day I still teach 'colon appreciation.' If you don't know what your colon is or what it does, appreciate the fact you don't have to. But I digress...
My first surgery also left me with an incision that had over twenty staples keeping it closed and was over ten inches long. It was reopened in a total of three of my eight surgeries. Almost each time I developed an infection in the incision creating a bigger problem.
Why am I sharing these somewhat awful details with you in a post about words hurting? Because it is the best visual I can use to describe my own healing from hurtful words and some of my life's greatest disappointments and difficulties.
When we are hurt by words, or actions, or situations, we are left with a wound that needs to heal. We do not see it though so we may not always be aware of it. We may also be unaware of what we are doing to prolong the healing and possibly preventing the closing of the wound.
I am a deep thinker. It is maybe one of my biggest introvert traits. I take time to think things through. I am rarely the first person to speak up when I am in an unfamiliar group or setting. I like to sit back, observe, listen, learn, and get to know those around me first. I absorb. I watch. I wait. For the most part it is a good thing. It has served me well in many situations.
Yet it can be a double edged sword. I can sometimes over think situations that have been hurtful to me. Words, actions, situations that disappointed or even insulted me can play over in my mind. It is a good thing if I use that time thinking about it to get to the bottom of what something hurt me and what I can do to rectify the situation. That is much like having a wound that we tend to with great care. We clean the wound, assess it, and then treat it appropriately so it can heal well, and faster.
Then there are times when I play something over and over in my mind without resolving it. Instead it can get bigger and more hurtful. Much like having a wound and constantly fussing over it in ways that prevent healing. We do not clean the wound. We do not dress it. We do not leave it alone to heal.
This past weekend I spent time reflecting on where I am, where I have come from, and where I want to go moving forward. As things in my day to day life have improved, and in some cases even become easy, I feel I have more space to address some of the big things needing taken care of.
I can organize parts of my home that have been neglected over the past year. I can sort out my bigger home repairs I would love to have taken care of before winter. I can start having friends over for meals again because I can afford to buy food not just for myself, but to entertain.
Yet it also leaves me with space and time to think about those things that caused tremendous hurt over the past few years. Now that I have the energy and strength to face them, it is time to stop irritating the wound and instead, dress it. It is time to heal.
As I sat reflecting on the hurts, I chose to look at them differently. I do not want them to hurt any longer. I want them to heal. So I changed my focus. Instead of looking at the injustice of some things, I looked at the person behind the hurt. They matter. In some cases the hurt was caused by people I do not know well at all and may never interact with again. Then some was from those most dear to me. Maybe that is why it seems to hurt more. Disappointment has been a constant. Yet I decided I was done with it. I was done playing it over in my mind.
I also came to realize that often disappointment can be false. When I started looking at situations from the perspective of my own responsibility I saw them differently. Do I wish things had been different in some situations? Absolutely. Yet I bore some responsibility too. I could have said or done things differently.
The more I thought about it, the more encouraged I became. Suddenly I started to think more about the kind of person I want to be moving forward. I thought about the type of friend I want to be to those I care most about instead of what I want my friends to be like with me. I thought about my work situations and what I want moving forward.
Most importantly I started to dream again. It has been a long time since I did that. Pain can paralyze us. Healing frees us. It frees us to hope. It frees us to move forward. It frees us to dream.
When we have been hurt deeply, it is important not to stay hurting because when the healing comes, it is glorious indeed.
You have a heart after Jesus, friend. ❤
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