Yesterday we received a LOT of snow here in Winnipeg. As I sat in my office enjoying the view out my large window, I felt a bit like I was in a snow globe. Suddenly my winter wonderland moment was interrupted by a car stuck in the car park in front of my office. It was a young man who had clearly spent a lot of money on his car. Yet all that money did not help him as he revved the engine and his tires spun in place. He was going no where. Eventually he managed to get moving again but not without struggle first. I thought he was lucky he didn't do damage to his car in the process.
It got me thinking about my own life. I have been writing lately about how things are so much better, I am happy these days, and things are easier. I have a confession though. Parts of my are still stuck in old ways of thinking and acting.
As the years of difficulty dragged on, I began to lose a sense of who I was. I started believing I did not matter. I am not sure if it is easier to feel unimportant or of little value when you live alone, but it might be easier to isolate ourselves. I do not know to be honest.
As my value of myself lessened, I developed some bad habits and let go of some good ones. I ate with less care for myself or my health. I no longer cared to try and sleep consistently, and I quit running.
A friend gently reprimanded me recently for always making comments about how I am not that important. I appreciated her honesty. It has caused me to look more deeply at myself, what I think, how I act, and what my value is.
I have no problem believing in the incredible value of others. No problem at all. Apparently I am the one person on the planet who is different. That needs to change. I am a bit like that car that was stuck in the snow. I can get frustrated with myself (revving the engine trying to get moving) or I can choose the better approach.
Most people know that when your car is stuck in snow, you need to get it rocking a bit back and forth. This requires some skill and patience. You have to be slow and quick at the same time. The faster you spin your tires, the more likely you are to be stuck longer.
I was chatting online with a friend last night who is overseas. We were talking about some changes she made that really improved her life. It was a bunch of small, slow changes that over the course of a year have her feeling better than ever. I could relate to that myself.
I went to bed thinking about the small changes I wanted to make in my life. And today I woke up early so I could get on the treadmill. I am not a fast or far runner right now. But I won't be a fast or far runner if I don't start at all. So I did. I am.
Slowly and sometimes quickly, I will get out of this rut and back to where I want to be.
It got me thinking about my own life. I have been writing lately about how things are so much better, I am happy these days, and things are easier. I have a confession though. Parts of my are still stuck in old ways of thinking and acting.
As the years of difficulty dragged on, I began to lose a sense of who I was. I started believing I did not matter. I am not sure if it is easier to feel unimportant or of little value when you live alone, but it might be easier to isolate ourselves. I do not know to be honest.
As my value of myself lessened, I developed some bad habits and let go of some good ones. I ate with less care for myself or my health. I no longer cared to try and sleep consistently, and I quit running.
A friend gently reprimanded me recently for always making comments about how I am not that important. I appreciated her honesty. It has caused me to look more deeply at myself, what I think, how I act, and what my value is.
I have no problem believing in the incredible value of others. No problem at all. Apparently I am the one person on the planet who is different. That needs to change. I am a bit like that car that was stuck in the snow. I can get frustrated with myself (revving the engine trying to get moving) or I can choose the better approach.
Most people know that when your car is stuck in snow, you need to get it rocking a bit back and forth. This requires some skill and patience. You have to be slow and quick at the same time. The faster you spin your tires, the more likely you are to be stuck longer.
I was chatting online with a friend last night who is overseas. We were talking about some changes she made that really improved her life. It was a bunch of small, slow changes that over the course of a year have her feeling better than ever. I could relate to that myself.
I went to bed thinking about the small changes I wanted to make in my life. And today I woke up early so I could get on the treadmill. I am not a fast or far runner right now. But I won't be a fast or far runner if I don't start at all. So I did. I am.
Slowly and sometimes quickly, I will get out of this rut and back to where I want to be.
I enjoy your writing style! I empathize with your feelings of less self worth in comparison to others. I feel the same way! It takes strength to recognize that in yourself, and I thank you for writing of your feelings! I realize I need to take a deeper look within myself to deal with this..
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading!
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