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Pretend

When I worked in Early Childhood Education, I would often encourage children to use their imaginations. I gave them free time to create, play, imagine, have fun, and be someone they were not. A part of the reason I did that was because I believe it is important for children to think, create, problem solve, work together, and have some unstructured time with their friends.

As we grow older, we lose a lot of our imagination. It just isn't needed as much. When we get together with friends, we chat about real life, or let others use their imagination to help entertain us with music, movies, theatre, or other creative events. We are focused on the here and now. Our days are filled with reality. There is no time for imagination, make believe, or pretending.

Or is there? The past few weeks I have been thinking a lot about how we present ourselves to others. I like to think I am the same person at church, work, with friends, with family, or volunteering in the community. If you saw me at one place and later at another, you would see the exact same Belinda. I am not saying I am perfect, not at all. I do strive to be honest and genuine.

Yet lately I have had some time to think more deeply about who I am, what relationships I have formed with those around me, how I spend my time and energy, and what I truly value. The sudden and unexpected loss of a friend has me wondering if I could do better.

I think I can. I know I can. It may mean pretending less and being honest more. Honest with myself and sometimes more honest with others. I am not preaching here, just sharing a verse in the Bible that reminds me to 'speak the truth in love.' The key part of that is the 'in love'. Some days it can be really easy to speak truth. Some days it can be easy to love. But putting the two together is not always easy.

Lately I have been sad, hurt, and grieving. I have withdrawn a bit more from friends. Thinking. Processing. Mourning.

Deciding to be more real and less pretend with people can be a scary thought. It may also mean relationships change. Some people may not appreciate 'real'. They may prefer more 'pretend'.

I am not saying we need to tell everyone everything going on in our lives. Not at all. That would be exhausting for them and us. I am just saying I want to be more genuine in my interactions. I want to spend time and energy on things that I value most. I want to spend time with those who matter most. I am also not going to try to insert myself in relationships that are not healthy or helpful. Sometimes, the best thing we can do for someone is wish them well and walk away.

Life is never certain. We are also not capable of changing others. What we are capable of is making each of our moments the best possible. It will not always be perfect, but it can be better. So I will leave the pretend for another day and embrace the real today.

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