Over the past few weeks I have been in a position I have not been in for over a decade. I will also, most likely, never be here again. I had extra money. After years of back and forth with the Canada Revenue Agency, I finally received my Disability Tax Credit. For me, it was a lot of money. It also represented a decade of my life when I was unable to work fully as my health had me in and out of the hospital a lot.
This money allowed me to do a few things around my house I would have had to wait years to do otherwise. As I started making decisions about my house, I realised I was enjoying it more. I looked forward to coming home. I found myself planning and seeing a future here. That is new to me. After years spent in and out of hospital and being unable to make plans beyond a few days, I forgot how to plan and dream. I think I may have started to find my way back to that this month.
I will admit, I put a lot of stress on myself to spend the money wisely and in the best ways. I am still a bit stressed about some of the things I decided to do. However, I am learning to stop, focus, and breathe. I am also learning to relax. This should not be so difficult. Yet it can be, for me.
I put tremendous pressure on myself to do things right, well, perfect. Sometimes it becomes so much stress I do nothing instead. I have learned to stop doing this and instead, give myself permission to do nothing some days or accomplish a lot other days.
When I stop to take a few deep breaths, and yes, I mean that literally, I find a new perspective. I find some calm. I find my spirit stills a bit and I can think. I can also hope and dream.
Being able to stop and breathe is something I hope I never take for granted again. If you are finding life to be overwhelming, may I suggest taking some time to stop, breathe, and rest a while. You matter more than a to-do list. You matter more than the expectations others may have of you. You matter most.
Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go water the plants I bought to help brighten up the outside of my home.
This money allowed me to do a few things around my house I would have had to wait years to do otherwise. As I started making decisions about my house, I realised I was enjoying it more. I looked forward to coming home. I found myself planning and seeing a future here. That is new to me. After years spent in and out of hospital and being unable to make plans beyond a few days, I forgot how to plan and dream. I think I may have started to find my way back to that this month.
I will admit, I put a lot of stress on myself to spend the money wisely and in the best ways. I am still a bit stressed about some of the things I decided to do. However, I am learning to stop, focus, and breathe. I am also learning to relax. This should not be so difficult. Yet it can be, for me.
I put tremendous pressure on myself to do things right, well, perfect. Sometimes it becomes so much stress I do nothing instead. I have learned to stop doing this and instead, give myself permission to do nothing some days or accomplish a lot other days.
When I stop to take a few deep breaths, and yes, I mean that literally, I find a new perspective. I find some calm. I find my spirit stills a bit and I can think. I can also hope and dream.
Being able to stop and breathe is something I hope I never take for granted again. If you are finding life to be overwhelming, may I suggest taking some time to stop, breathe, and rest a while. You matter more than a to-do list. You matter more than the expectations others may have of you. You matter most.
Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go water the plants I bought to help brighten up the outside of my home.
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