"I hate my birthday" is usually my first thought on December 4th. I absolutely love getting older but I hate the day itself. This year I was tired of simply resorting to that line of thought. I wanted to figure out where it is coming from. I want to enjoy my birthday.
I was thinking it may be similar to why I hate Valentine's Day. I think it is a silly thing really. Surely we don't need a date on the calendar to remember to tell others we love them. Shouldn't we be doing that all the time? I wonder if that is how I look at my birthday. I am blessed with many great people in my life. I have friends and family always telling me they love me, appreciate me, helping me, blessing me. Why should they do anything out of the ordinary on December 4th? Am I suddenly extra special today?
Then I wondered if that was more of a Western culture mindset. Do we love someone more if we spend more money on them? Spend more time with them? Laugh more at their jokes? What about people living in countries where they don't even know the specific date of their birth? How about families (in the developing world or right here in Canada) who are unable to provide a great celebration?
So I am choosing to look at this differently. I will not have any great expectation for the day - not because people don't care. Rather, I will not have unrealistic expectations that people will suddenly be expected to meet even if I never tell them...except next year. I will be turning 40 next year and I have to say I am SUPER excited about it! (No, I'm not kidding!)
I was also wondering what it was like when I was born. My birth mother was young and unwed. The decision had already been made to put me up for adoption. There was no way she was able to raise me. I imagine it was heartbreaking for her. Not exactly joyful when I arrived. Then I think about my mum. What was it like when she got a call saying CFS had a little girl? Was she excited? Nervous? What did she think when she saw the red hair? (I imagine her having second thoughts - kidding mumsy!) Did she feel joy?
I guess what I have come away with from this birthday is the beginnings of a new outlook. I have much to be thankful for even though this past year has been incredibly difficult in so many ways and does not seem to be improving in the near future. I am thankful for a home I love. I am thankful for good health. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful for a job. I am most thankful for a faith in a God who helps me make sense of it all, a God who extends much grace and wisdom.
Even though this was the quietest and most uneventful birthday weekend I've had in a long time, I think that quietness has allowed me to journey a little further to healing.
I was thinking it may be similar to why I hate Valentine's Day. I think it is a silly thing really. Surely we don't need a date on the calendar to remember to tell others we love them. Shouldn't we be doing that all the time? I wonder if that is how I look at my birthday. I am blessed with many great people in my life. I have friends and family always telling me they love me, appreciate me, helping me, blessing me. Why should they do anything out of the ordinary on December 4th? Am I suddenly extra special today?
Then I wondered if that was more of a Western culture mindset. Do we love someone more if we spend more money on them? Spend more time with them? Laugh more at their jokes? What about people living in countries where they don't even know the specific date of their birth? How about families (in the developing world or right here in Canada) who are unable to provide a great celebration?
So I am choosing to look at this differently. I will not have any great expectation for the day - not because people don't care. Rather, I will not have unrealistic expectations that people will suddenly be expected to meet even if I never tell them...except next year. I will be turning 40 next year and I have to say I am SUPER excited about it! (No, I'm not kidding!)
I was also wondering what it was like when I was born. My birth mother was young and unwed. The decision had already been made to put me up for adoption. There was no way she was able to raise me. I imagine it was heartbreaking for her. Not exactly joyful when I arrived. Then I think about my mum. What was it like when she got a call saying CFS had a little girl? Was she excited? Nervous? What did she think when she saw the red hair? (I imagine her having second thoughts - kidding mumsy!) Did she feel joy?
I guess what I have come away with from this birthday is the beginnings of a new outlook. I have much to be thankful for even though this past year has been incredibly difficult in so many ways and does not seem to be improving in the near future. I am thankful for a home I love. I am thankful for good health. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful for a job. I am most thankful for a faith in a God who helps me make sense of it all, a God who extends much grace and wisdom.
Even though this was the quietest and most uneventful birthday weekend I've had in a long time, I think that quietness has allowed me to journey a little further to healing.
Love you B. It's not about the things we have, but more sore the experiences we share and the people who share these moments in our lives...not just on one day, but throughout the year. I am blessed having you as a friend.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm very grateful for you, and I'm glad that there's one day of the year that brings me to think about you just a little bit more. :)
ReplyDeleteHow did I not know you were adopted? Is it possible I love you any more? Happy day!
ReplyDeleteThank you friends! I am really challenging a lot of what I believed in a good way (I think). Why do I believe the things I do? Are they helpful? Or not? Anyway, those were my thoughts yesterday. : )
ReplyDeleteYou are special Belinda. I am also looking forward to turning 40! Great post!
ReplyDeleteI'm honestly excited for 40 too.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking 40 will be the best year yet!
ReplyDelete