I call children 'little people.' Why? Many years ago when I was working with inner city youth in Dublin, I had a co-worker who used that term. I found it very fitting. It is important for me to see children as people. They are little and very impressionable. Yet we need to remember they are still people, hence the term.
I recently turned 40. I have never been so excited for a birthday! I managed to stretch it over two weeks. I am blessed with many amazing friends to celebrate with. As I turned 40 I had thoughts of where my life is and where I might like to see it in the years to come. Years ago I quit planning ahead. After 8 surgeries and literally countless trips to the hospital, I am no longer able to make definitive plans for my life. I can plan my work. I can plan my home. I can plan out my week. But I am unable to say where I would like to be in ten years. (I have always hated that question in job interviews.)
Yet one thing I have come to realise I can say with almost complete certainty is that I will never have little people of my own. I absolutely love them. I adore them. I cherish them. I have many, many friends with children. I am so incredibly blessed by that. I love spending time with them. I love that so many of my friends trust me with the care of their precious little ones. They are so delicate and fragile, yet strong and courageous! They are filled with awe and wonder. They trust those around them. I take that trust very seriously.
There was a time when I really wanted little ones of my own. Many years ago though, I understood my life was to take a different path and I am ok with that. Although, I never ask a woman a) if she will have children, b) if she will have more children or c) why she does not have children. Ok, I did ask a friend this week if she wanted more children. Not sure why. But the answer I received as a result blessed my heart greatly. A woman without children may have any variety of answers as to why she does not. Maybe she does not want children. Maybe she can not have children. Maybe she has had children who did not live long enough to be born, held and loved. Maybe she does not know yet if she wants children. Being asked to give a reason for not having children though will either make a woman feel less than whole or be a painful reminder of what she can not have.
I have friends who tell me I may still have children. Or I could adopt. No problem! (For the record, I am adopted and it has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.) I could foster children. Who knows what life will bring! True. Any of these things could happen. Do not feel sorry for me. Do not pity me. Do not feel the need to console me.
I am blessed with many amazing little people in my life. I have nieces and nephews I absolutely adore with every ounce of my being! I have little ones I am able to giggle with, read stories with, cuddle with, listen to, watch movies with, knit for, care for and help nurture. Often I think if I had little ones of my own, I would miss out on this.
Sometimes it feels as though my heart has too much room for just little ones of my own. The world can be a very dangerous place for children. I feel called to help make it safe for them. Safe to learn, safe to ask questions, safe to simply be.
When I first started writing this post I had a different idea in mind. I do not want anyone to pity me. I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me. I do not want anyone to think my life is less than what is 'could' be or 'should' be or 'will' be. It simply is. I am blessed.
Whether or not I have children of my own, right now, here, at this moment my life is incredibly full. And for that, I am incredibly thankful.
I recently turned 40. I have never been so excited for a birthday! I managed to stretch it over two weeks. I am blessed with many amazing friends to celebrate with. As I turned 40 I had thoughts of where my life is and where I might like to see it in the years to come. Years ago I quit planning ahead. After 8 surgeries and literally countless trips to the hospital, I am no longer able to make definitive plans for my life. I can plan my work. I can plan my home. I can plan out my week. But I am unable to say where I would like to be in ten years. (I have always hated that question in job interviews.)
Yet one thing I have come to realise I can say with almost complete certainty is that I will never have little people of my own. I absolutely love them. I adore them. I cherish them. I have many, many friends with children. I am so incredibly blessed by that. I love spending time with them. I love that so many of my friends trust me with the care of their precious little ones. They are so delicate and fragile, yet strong and courageous! They are filled with awe and wonder. They trust those around them. I take that trust very seriously.
There was a time when I really wanted little ones of my own. Many years ago though, I understood my life was to take a different path and I am ok with that. Although, I never ask a woman a) if she will have children, b) if she will have more children or c) why she does not have children. Ok, I did ask a friend this week if she wanted more children. Not sure why. But the answer I received as a result blessed my heart greatly. A woman without children may have any variety of answers as to why she does not. Maybe she does not want children. Maybe she can not have children. Maybe she has had children who did not live long enough to be born, held and loved. Maybe she does not know yet if she wants children. Being asked to give a reason for not having children though will either make a woman feel less than whole or be a painful reminder of what she can not have.
I have friends who tell me I may still have children. Or I could adopt. No problem! (For the record, I am adopted and it has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.) I could foster children. Who knows what life will bring! True. Any of these things could happen. Do not feel sorry for me. Do not pity me. Do not feel the need to console me.
I am blessed with many amazing little people in my life. I have nieces and nephews I absolutely adore with every ounce of my being! I have little ones I am able to giggle with, read stories with, cuddle with, listen to, watch movies with, knit for, care for and help nurture. Often I think if I had little ones of my own, I would miss out on this.
Sometimes it feels as though my heart has too much room for just little ones of my own. The world can be a very dangerous place for children. I feel called to help make it safe for them. Safe to learn, safe to ask questions, safe to simply be.
When I first started writing this post I had a different idea in mind. I do not want anyone to pity me. I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me. I do not want anyone to think my life is less than what is 'could' be or 'should' be or 'will' be. It simply is. I am blessed.
Whether or not I have children of my own, right now, here, at this moment my life is incredibly full. And for that, I am incredibly thankful.
Belinda, what a beautiful post - thanks for sharing your heart. I love how you love little people. You have been Auntie B for a long time and it suits you perfectly. I think you're right, that the time you get to spend with little people now would be greatly reduced if you had your own little people - life has a way of working like that. You are a blessing to mamas out there, pouring out more love so that these little people walk around with their hearts overflowing. THAT is a blessing. You shine with contentedness and peace. Love you!
ReplyDeleteThank you my sweet, sweet friends!
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