What if we worried less what others thought about us and concerned ourselves more with what people said directly to us?
This is something I have been thinking about for weeks. Honestly, it is something I have been working through in my own life for decades. Recently though, I have had many conversations with people I care deeply about who seem worn down by what those around them think about them.
Some have legitimate concerns as it is in the workplace where they are singled out for poor treatment by colleagues, some have struggles fitting in at church or in the community where they are not exactly like everyone else around them, some have had harsh home lives that left them vulnerable.
I would venture to guess that most people care to some degree what other people think about them. I might even guess for some, the growth of social media has increased that worry. There is a pressure to appear almost perfect on social media for some. Blogs are written and shared almost condemning those who try to project only the perfect moments of the day. Do the people who blog care as much about what others think of them as those who post perfection?
A few blog posts earlier I chose honesty as my word for this year. It is a trait I want to develop more in my life. I want it to shape how I act and what I say even more. I also want it to be a gift I give to others because I, like everyone else, am not perfect.
There is a verse in the Bible that says we should speak the truth in love. Love is not the emotional feeling we tend to think of. It is wanting the best for the person we love. It is patient, kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It always perseveres. It always trusts. It always hopes. This should motivate us when speaking truth.
There have been times when I have spoken the (hard) truth to a friend in love. As difficult as it was, I knew it was best for that person. I can honestly say the hardest conversations I've had with friends have created the deepest friendships. Those friends also know they can speak the (hard) truth to me. As hard as it might be to hear it, I know the person sharing with me truly cares about my growth as a person and as their friend.
One of the gifts of having many surgeries and being in the hospital so much was the ability to let go of what others thought about me. (The more time you spend in a hospital gown, the less concern you have for what people might think. Mostly you are thankful to be alive.) That is not to say I do not care what others think. I just let go of concerning myself with what people may or may not think about me. Instead, I learned to value the words people spoke to me. Correction, encouragement, kindness, or whatever, I have always appreciated people telling me what they thought.
The reality is we are always going to have people in the world who simply think about us, good or bad. Some of those opinions are based on truth, others on misconceptions, others because of labels that have been applied to us.
When all is said and done I am responsible for me. Only me. If I had to put my strengths and weaknesses on a scale, I would like to think the strengths would weigh more. If they do not, I trust those who care most about me to let me know. A word of truth spoken in love is worth more to me than a thought left unshared.
This is something I have been thinking about for weeks. Honestly, it is something I have been working through in my own life for decades. Recently though, I have had many conversations with people I care deeply about who seem worn down by what those around them think about them.
Some have legitimate concerns as it is in the workplace where they are singled out for poor treatment by colleagues, some have struggles fitting in at church or in the community where they are not exactly like everyone else around them, some have had harsh home lives that left them vulnerable.
I would venture to guess that most people care to some degree what other people think about them. I might even guess for some, the growth of social media has increased that worry. There is a pressure to appear almost perfect on social media for some. Blogs are written and shared almost condemning those who try to project only the perfect moments of the day. Do the people who blog care as much about what others think of them as those who post perfection?
A few blog posts earlier I chose honesty as my word for this year. It is a trait I want to develop more in my life. I want it to shape how I act and what I say even more. I also want it to be a gift I give to others because I, like everyone else, am not perfect.
There is a verse in the Bible that says we should speak the truth in love. Love is not the emotional feeling we tend to think of. It is wanting the best for the person we love. It is patient, kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It always perseveres. It always trusts. It always hopes. This should motivate us when speaking truth.
There have been times when I have spoken the (hard) truth to a friend in love. As difficult as it was, I knew it was best for that person. I can honestly say the hardest conversations I've had with friends have created the deepest friendships. Those friends also know they can speak the (hard) truth to me. As hard as it might be to hear it, I know the person sharing with me truly cares about my growth as a person and as their friend.
One of the gifts of having many surgeries and being in the hospital so much was the ability to let go of what others thought about me. (The more time you spend in a hospital gown, the less concern you have for what people might think. Mostly you are thankful to be alive.) That is not to say I do not care what others think. I just let go of concerning myself with what people may or may not think about me. Instead, I learned to value the words people spoke to me. Correction, encouragement, kindness, or whatever, I have always appreciated people telling me what they thought.
The reality is we are always going to have people in the world who simply think about us, good or bad. Some of those opinions are based on truth, others on misconceptions, others because of labels that have been applied to us.
When all is said and done I am responsible for me. Only me. If I had to put my strengths and weaknesses on a scale, I would like to think the strengths would weigh more. If they do not, I trust those who care most about me to let me know. A word of truth spoken in love is worth more to me than a thought left unshared.
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