As my life ebbs and flows, changing constantly, I have been thinking about success. It is something we are taught to strive for. We should be successful in our jobs, as parents, as volunteers, as children, and in any role we assume.
I have had many conversations with friends lately about saying 'no' more. The two are related, believe it or not. It all comes down to how we define success. Are we defining it ourselves or allowing others to tell us what it means and how it looks?
For too long, maybe, many of us have allowed the society we live in to define success. We should have a house, a car (at least one), be married, have children (who are well behaved and excelling in everything), have lots of education, holidays to sunny places, have all the latest gadgets, and the list goes on.
This constant striving has left many I know worn out and disappointed with life. Some are taking steps to change that. Learning to define success for ourselves is an important first step to regaining some balance in life. For myself, I know I will never be a parent. Ok, I'm fairly certain I will never be. I am fine with that. I no longer allow my success as a woman to be defined by this one thing.
Some of my friends have learned to define success by saying no to things that are not valued to them. We are all asked to volunteer and help with various things. Some of us constantly. Some of us are also constantly thinking of things we can do to help those around us. For myself, I like to help solve problems. If you have a problem, I want to help find a solution.
Yet none of us are designed to do everything. We are meant to do a few things well. If we try to do everything it will simply end in failure or our exhaustion.
I believe we are truly successful when we do what we are meant to do and nothing else. We know ourselves what that might be. We also know what it is not meant to be. We need to give ourselves permission to redefine success, say no to things we can not do to our best ability, and possibly do a bit less.
When we stop letting a society tell us what makes us successful and instead define it ourselves, we find freedom and more success than before.
I have had many conversations with friends lately about saying 'no' more. The two are related, believe it or not. It all comes down to how we define success. Are we defining it ourselves or allowing others to tell us what it means and how it looks?
For too long, maybe, many of us have allowed the society we live in to define success. We should have a house, a car (at least one), be married, have children (who are well behaved and excelling in everything), have lots of education, holidays to sunny places, have all the latest gadgets, and the list goes on.
This constant striving has left many I know worn out and disappointed with life. Some are taking steps to change that. Learning to define success for ourselves is an important first step to regaining some balance in life. For myself, I know I will never be a parent. Ok, I'm fairly certain I will never be. I am fine with that. I no longer allow my success as a woman to be defined by this one thing.
Some of my friends have learned to define success by saying no to things that are not valued to them. We are all asked to volunteer and help with various things. Some of us constantly. Some of us are also constantly thinking of things we can do to help those around us. For myself, I like to help solve problems. If you have a problem, I want to help find a solution.
Yet none of us are designed to do everything. We are meant to do a few things well. If we try to do everything it will simply end in failure or our exhaustion.
I believe we are truly successful when we do what we are meant to do and nothing else. We know ourselves what that might be. We also know what it is not meant to be. We need to give ourselves permission to redefine success, say no to things we can not do to our best ability, and possibly do a bit less.
When we stop letting a society tell us what makes us successful and instead define it ourselves, we find freedom and more success than before.
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