A wee bit of BS

Lately I have been thinking a lot about words, emotions and the mind. I have also been thinking about how delicate the mind is. We often do not stop to think about it, I would guess as we are (mostly) sound of mind. However, I have seen more and more lately that maybe we are fooling ourselves more than we realize, as I watched a documentary on bullying in the U.S. last week. I had to wipe away tears as I listened to the stories of children in school talk about their experiences being bullied. My heart ached as I listened to a mother talk about finding her daughter hanging in her closet because she could no longer take the bullying. It reminded me of (very brave) friend who shared the story of the night she considered taking her own life. She was not bullied in the sense we tend to think of. As an adult, she was experiencing judgement and shame for something she should not have been judged for. She was alone in many ways and fighting on many fronts to keep her life together. I am gl...

I was originally going to write this last night but have had some other thoughts on the topic and might see this post take a slightly different direction than originally planned. That is the beauty of writing though, I never really know where it will end up until the words start to flow. I was at my best friend's house over the weekend and there were six kids there. At one meal time the boys (11,9, 8, and 7) started talking about double standards. It was all in good fun. I was impressed at their understanding of the concept and the examples they gave. A teacher chewing gum in class telling students not to chew gum in class, an adult telling them not to talk with food in their mouth as their mouth is full, etc. We were all laughing. But it got me thinking. I have said before I refer to children as little people because they deserve respect. It also reminds me to be clear and honest with them. I try hard to avoid double standards. Children are very quick to point out discrepancie...

Who are you? It is a simple question with a complex answer. Usually people will answer the question by saying what they do. That question got me thinking about how we define ourselves. At the moment I am mostly unemployed. I have a consulting contract I am happily working on and have little side jobs here and there that come up. But most days I am looking for jobs to apply for or working on some volunteer things I am involved in. Yet I can honestly say I am more content than I have ever been in my life. This life change got me thinking though. Who am I? How do I define myself? Thinking deeper, how do others define themselves? As a society, how do we determine worth of ourselves and others? What about those who are unemployed? Homeless? Those in the service industry? Those in upper management? Have we bought into the myth that value as people is determined by the work we do or title we have? My days have changed. My schedule has changed. Who I am or what I'm worth has not. Jus...

What if we worried less what others thought about us and concerned ourselves more with what people said directly to us? This is something I have been thinking about for weeks. Honestly, it is something I have been working through in my own life for decades. Recently though, I have had many conversations with people I care deeply about who seem worn down by what those around them think about them. Some have legitimate concerns as it is in the workplace where they are singled out for poor treatment by colleagues, some have struggles fitting in at church or in the community where they are not exactly like everyone else around them, some have had harsh home lives that left them vulnerable. I would venture to guess that most people care to some degree what other people think about them. I might even guess for some, the growth of social media has increased that worry. There is a pressure to appear almost perfect on social media for some. Blogs are written and shared almost condemning t...

I went to home of friends for dinner tonight. These are dear friends. I have known them for a long time. I was in their wedding. I consider them family. We can be honest, we can share our struggles, we can celebrate our many blessings. There is comfort. There is safety. There is freedom. There is grace. There is understanding. There is love. Tonight we were talking about how we grew up. We all grew up in very different homes. We had very different experiences. My one friend was saying how she is doing better financially than her mum. She grew up with little. Yet there was a lot of love in their home. Her husband grew up in a very different situation and what their family had, they worked hard for and saved smartly for. I grew up with little and eventually my dad's business did well. There were other struggles after that but we still knew what it was like to not have to worry about finances as much. None of us are motivated by money. Nor are we concerned with having lots of ...

Last year a friend gave me a small journal. It has a lovely embroidered cover. I love journals. I love stationery. I love writing. I have a lot of journals so I thought this one should have a special purpose. This one would be my 'joy journal' and I would write in it at the end of each day about something in my day that brought me joy. That was last year. It is still completely blank. Last year it was hard for me to find much joy daily. I am sure it was there, I was just too tired to look for it. However, my life at this moment is so much better in so many ways. It is easy to find joy each day. My hope is to get into the habit of finding joy daily that when life is hard again (because really, life is hard at times for all of us) seeking out the joy in the day will help me through it. When we find joy, it can lift us up in difficult times, it can inspire us to move forward, it can give hope. It can also be contagious. When we recognize joy we then cultivate it. When we culti...

I have been hearing this word a lot lately. I am not sure why now more than before. Or maybe I am noticing it more because frankly, the term irritates me. I have heard a lot of people gush about finding their 'soul mate' or waiting for their 'soul mate'. Personally, I do not believe in the notion of a soul mate. I am not anti-relationship. Nor am I anti-marriage. I am also not cynical. I have blogged about that before. This post is more about managing expectations. It is also about perspective. I have a lot of married friends. I do not think I have heard any of them refer to their spouse as their soul mate. Certainly not the ones with children. Why? My guess is they understand the reality that relationships take a LOT of work. Living with someone day in and day out is not all wedded bliss. Adding children to the mix creates new layers of complexity. Communication is so important yet so difficult at the same time. They also understand relationships are impacted by ...