This past weekend I spent a couple of days at a monastery/retreat centre enjoying silence. I do this every few years to help refocus my heart and mind.
I have noticed lately some extra 'residue' from the past few years of my life. It is no secret to those who know me the past few years have been some of the hardest and most challenging in my life. Whilst I like to think I forgive, move forward, learning and becoming a better person, I know that is not always the case.
So after a slight mix up at the monastery, I had 36 hours of silence. I read, prayed, contemplated and slept.
I came to the realisation the best way to summarize the past few years of my life is grace. Dictionary.com defines grace as 'favour or goodwill.' It has a few other definitions of it but I think it is missing one important word. Undeserved. Grace is not owed to anyone. It is not expected. It is also not always easy to bestow. Sometimes it is not easy to receive.
In the midst of some very difficult circumstances and long, dark nights, I discovered there are many people in my life willing to extend me grace. This revealed itself in many ways.
A little while ago I was out with a friend I first met almost 25 years ago. Our paths crossed again almost ten years ago and we have managed to keep in touch since. He shared with me a moment in his life that changed him forever.
Whilst we are never defined solely by one moment in our life, if we allow it, a singular moment can change us forever. For better or for worse. His moment was a choice made out of tremendous hurt. He chose to forgive. Forgiving allowed him to then become a person of great grace he has since been willing to pour out onto others.
I wanted my silent retreat to become that moment for me. I want this to be a turning point in my life when I not only receive grace, but I pour it out for others.
And maybe some of us need to extend grace to ourselves. I am my harshest critic. I have a few friends who have shared the same struggle.
It reminded me of the quote "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." Yes, we all are.
I have noticed lately some extra 'residue' from the past few years of my life. It is no secret to those who know me the past few years have been some of the hardest and most challenging in my life. Whilst I like to think I forgive, move forward, learning and becoming a better person, I know that is not always the case.
So after a slight mix up at the monastery, I had 36 hours of silence. I read, prayed, contemplated and slept.
I came to the realisation the best way to summarize the past few years of my life is grace. Dictionary.com defines grace as 'favour or goodwill.' It has a few other definitions of it but I think it is missing one important word. Undeserved. Grace is not owed to anyone. It is not expected. It is also not always easy to bestow. Sometimes it is not easy to receive.
In the midst of some very difficult circumstances and long, dark nights, I discovered there are many people in my life willing to extend me grace. This revealed itself in many ways.
A little while ago I was out with a friend I first met almost 25 years ago. Our paths crossed again almost ten years ago and we have managed to keep in touch since. He shared with me a moment in his life that changed him forever.
Whilst we are never defined solely by one moment in our life, if we allow it, a singular moment can change us forever. For better or for worse. His moment was a choice made out of tremendous hurt. He chose to forgive. Forgiving allowed him to then become a person of great grace he has since been willing to pour out onto others.
I wanted my silent retreat to become that moment for me. I want this to be a turning point in my life when I not only receive grace, but I pour it out for others.
And maybe some of us need to extend grace to ourselves. I am my harshest critic. I have a few friends who have shared the same struggle.
It reminded me of the quote "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." Yes, we all are.
Silence is good. Hard for some of us, but always good.
ReplyDelete