A wee bit of BS

How many of us were told as children that sticks and stones would break our bones but names would never hurt us? Or the somewhat juvenile "I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you"? We were taught these things as a way of defending ourselves against harsh words because the truth is, they can hurt. They can hurt deeply. They can hurt so deeply they leave lifelong scars. I have mentioned before I have had many surgeries. My first surgery was almost eight hours long and involved major reconstruction of my digestive system. To this day I still teach 'colon appreciation.' If you don't know what your colon is or what it does, appreciate the fact you don't have to. But I digress... My first surgery also left me with an incision that had over twenty staples keeping it closed and was over ten inches long. It was reopened in a total of three of my eight surgeries. Almost each time I developed an infection in the incision ...

This post may be very similar to my last post. I hope it does not bore you. I now feel I can share some more specifics about my life the past few years that may be of help to someone. Specifics about how low I felt I went and how dark days seemed. That hard part is figuring out where to begin. I have never been afraid to work. More than a few times in my life I have had three jobs at once. I have never felt above any type of job either. So when I suddenly found myself completely unemployed almost two years ago, I panicked, then started looking for work. I told everyone I could think of that I was looking. I applied for dozens of jobs. I told more people. I applied for more jobs. I waited. Then I waited some more. Nothing. Then I had a few job interviews but still nothing. I should point out this was November. Anyone who has looked for work knows how impossible it can be to find work that close to Christmas. It is even harder after Christmas. Yet I never gave up. I had some sa...

I am sitting here on my deck on a gloriously sunny day with a strong wind blowing, helping keep me cooler. I have been battling a cold for a month and today am not feeling as great as I would like. It made me think about my latest blog topic. I was out for coffee with a dear friend this week and we were talking about my journey lately. First, I need to make one thing clear - I have not had a hard life by any stretch. I have, however, had some extremely difficult and trying times in my life. I can look back to three very toxic work experiences I have had. Each left me slightly damaged and in the first instance, reeling for years afterwards as I healed. I can honestly say I have experienced amazing healing from all three and am thankful for the lessons learned each time. It is not the ideal way to learn and I would not wish it on others, yet I did gain wisdom. For that I am thankful. My friend was talking about how, as we get older, it takes longer to bounce back from the curve b...

I am sitting here completely exhausted. Yet I am also incredibly happy. This week we had a provincial election. I was one of over 200 candidates who put their names forward. I was not one of the 57 who won. Well, not by vote count anyway. It was not my first election but it was my first major effort. I had an amazing group of incredibly dedicated volunteers willing to door knock with me almost daily. I had a few fundraisers ahead of time allowing us to have a more visible presence in the community. I had momentum. I did not have the most votes when all was said and done though. A part of me is sad with the loss. I am sad for those who worked so hard and believed not only in our party message, but me as a person. I am a bit sad to have lost for myself. Mostly though, I am incredibly happy. We not only worked hard, but enjoyed campaigning. We had fun. We met a lot of amazing people. We got to know each other better. We supported each other. We encouraged one another. I 'lef...

A few weeks ago I bought a new journal for myself. Honestly, I do not need another one. This one just stood out to me though. On the cover was imprinted the word "HOPE". I stopped when I saw it and thought about hope in my own life. I decided 2016 would be the year of hope for me. Each day I want to sit down and think about what my own hopes are and write them in the journal. They can be small or big. It will be whatever comes to mind each day. It also started me thinking about the notion of hope. It is a small word with tremendous power. It is powerful when we have it and maybe even more so when we do not. Without hope, people can be drawn to do desperate things. When we have it, it can help us soar in life and push through some difficult moments. Hope can motivate us to carry on and believe we can change things in our lives. Hope can strengthen our resolve to do what might seem difficult but important for the betterment of others. Hope can inspire. Hope can transform. H...

I love lists. They keep me focused. They help me remember. They also free up 'thinking space' when I want to remember to do something at a later day or time. It is even better when I remember to take the list with me when I head out to run errands. I am currently sitting in my little office space at the edge of my dining room. My current to do list is on the kitchen counter not four feet away. Yet as it sits there I have a pang of guilt sitting here checking out social media. I am on a roll getting things done. The floors are swept and mopped. Laundry is in the dryer almost done. Dishes are clean. I even started work on a Pinterest project I have been meaning to do for the last six months. It is a beautiful day outside and a part of me feels guilty for being inside. Then I started to think about 'to do'. There is a lot of pressure in life some times to do. We need to do more to help those in need. We need to do more with our friends. We need to do more to make sure ...

Lately I have been tired. Tired of fake. Tired of artificial. Tired of disappointments. Tired of being let down. Tired of waiting for a bit of 'easy'. Tired. I have been giving a lot to a lot of people for a long time and was worried I had given too much. Had I hit a wall? Was I no longer able to have compassion or care about others? Then I worried the problem was me. Was I too selfish? Was I too lazy? Did I have wrong expectations? Was I lacking? Was I artificial? Had I let too many people down? Had I disappointed people I care about? I started to look at my life and 'dig deep' - even though I dislike that expression. What sort of friend have I been? What sort of community member have I been? Have I been as thoughtful as I want to be? Have I reached out to others as I want? Was I reaping what I was sowing? If so, what had I been sowing? Then I read this blog post a friend shared today (the author is not a friend of mine but it spoke a bit to what I had been think...