Fear is definitely a four letter word for most of us. For some, it is momentary, temporary. For others, it can be debilitating, paralyzing. It can also be like a shadow hanging over us, always there, always reminding us of why we should not try something new.
It can come from many places and reveal itself in many ways. Some of my fears have developed in very toxic relationships. Some of my fears have been developed by my own imagination. I take 1 + 1 and make 6. I am guessing many people can relate to this.
Change can inspire fear as well. Why leave what we know, as bad as it might be, for what we do not know? I have a few friends wanting to change jobs. Fear keeps them where they are. I have had some friends in bad (not abusive) relationships who stayed there because it was known. It felt safe even though it was empty. Moving can inspire fear as well. What if new neighbours are horrible? What if I don't like the new place?
For myself, fear has probably prevented me from stepping out to start up a project I have been thinking about for 8 years. Lately I have been reminded more and more of how vital this project could be. I have also started to challenge my fears about starting it. My fear has disguised itself in many excuses. I have never done anything like this before. My education is not in this field. I am not sure how to start the process. I am not the best person for the job. I have too many things on the go as it is.
We all have excuses. Some are legitimate. When I was working full time and finishing up my Masters degree I had no time for anything or anyone. Thankfully my friends were all still around when I graduated and celebrated with me.
So I have taken time lately to stop and think through the fears. Where do they come from? Are they valid? Do they give cause for concern? Are they there to prevent me from doing something foolish or simply preventing me from doing good?
I have also started looking back on my life to remind myself of times when fear did not decide things for me. I noticed I accomplished more when I thought less and did more. Let me explain a bit. I am a deep thinker. It may not seem like that from my blogs or posts on social media but I need ideas to percolate in my mind. I need to ask lots of clarifying questions. They are not challenges. I like to have the best picture possible and sometimes ask questions to get there. That can be good except when I over-think things. When I finished up my Bachelors degree I knew I was not done learning. New questions arose that I wanted answers to. So, without over-thinking, I signed up to an MA program. Had I stopped to think about it at the time I would have found many reasons to fear such a big decision. I needed to work to pay for the courses so how would I have the time? I was about to have major surgery so how would I recover and study at the same time? I was also trying to prepare to live in Ireland so how would I make that happen and recover from surgery, and work to pay for courses and study? And what was a woman from an ordinary home doing going on to Seminary?! A part of me felt out of my depth there. Yet I carried on. I am thankful I did. Yes, it took 15 years but it is done.
So now what? Will I continue to let fear overtake my faith? I need to be wise and prudent yet not fearfully so. I will take my fears head on (but only one at a time - I'd rather be courageous than crazy) and move forward. Will there be success always? I doubt it. But is that the point? Do we fear failure? Do we fear ridicule? First, who defines failure? I do not think failure is simply not accomplishing what we set out to do. Maybe failure is failing to do that which is needed, or even trying to do that which is needed. Second, when is the last time you were ridiculed for trying to do something better in your life regardless of whether it worked out as you imagined or not. Life is fluid. It is always changing. What we set out to do may not be the best for anyone anyway. Sometimes if we hold less to the notion of perfection (as defined by who exactly?) and more to the notion of doing, we might find we are less fearful - or fearless.
It can come from many places and reveal itself in many ways. Some of my fears have developed in very toxic relationships. Some of my fears have been developed by my own imagination. I take 1 + 1 and make 6. I am guessing many people can relate to this.
Change can inspire fear as well. Why leave what we know, as bad as it might be, for what we do not know? I have a few friends wanting to change jobs. Fear keeps them where they are. I have had some friends in bad (not abusive) relationships who stayed there because it was known. It felt safe even though it was empty. Moving can inspire fear as well. What if new neighbours are horrible? What if I don't like the new place?
For myself, fear has probably prevented me from stepping out to start up a project I have been thinking about for 8 years. Lately I have been reminded more and more of how vital this project could be. I have also started to challenge my fears about starting it. My fear has disguised itself in many excuses. I have never done anything like this before. My education is not in this field. I am not sure how to start the process. I am not the best person for the job. I have too many things on the go as it is.
We all have excuses. Some are legitimate. When I was working full time and finishing up my Masters degree I had no time for anything or anyone. Thankfully my friends were all still around when I graduated and celebrated with me.
So I have taken time lately to stop and think through the fears. Where do they come from? Are they valid? Do they give cause for concern? Are they there to prevent me from doing something foolish or simply preventing me from doing good?
I have also started looking back on my life to remind myself of times when fear did not decide things for me. I noticed I accomplished more when I thought less and did more. Let me explain a bit. I am a deep thinker. It may not seem like that from my blogs or posts on social media but I need ideas to percolate in my mind. I need to ask lots of clarifying questions. They are not challenges. I like to have the best picture possible and sometimes ask questions to get there. That can be good except when I over-think things. When I finished up my Bachelors degree I knew I was not done learning. New questions arose that I wanted answers to. So, without over-thinking, I signed up to an MA program. Had I stopped to think about it at the time I would have found many reasons to fear such a big decision. I needed to work to pay for the courses so how would I have the time? I was about to have major surgery so how would I recover and study at the same time? I was also trying to prepare to live in Ireland so how would I make that happen and recover from surgery, and work to pay for courses and study? And what was a woman from an ordinary home doing going on to Seminary?! A part of me felt out of my depth there. Yet I carried on. I am thankful I did. Yes, it took 15 years but it is done.
So now what? Will I continue to let fear overtake my faith? I need to be wise and prudent yet not fearfully so. I will take my fears head on (but only one at a time - I'd rather be courageous than crazy) and move forward. Will there be success always? I doubt it. But is that the point? Do we fear failure? Do we fear ridicule? First, who defines failure? I do not think failure is simply not accomplishing what we set out to do. Maybe failure is failing to do that which is needed, or even trying to do that which is needed. Second, when is the last time you were ridiculed for trying to do something better in your life regardless of whether it worked out as you imagined or not. Life is fluid. It is always changing. What we set out to do may not be the best for anyone anyway. Sometimes if we hold less to the notion of perfection (as defined by who exactly?) and more to the notion of doing, we might find we are less fearful - or fearless.
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